


jongdae, fifteen times over

by byundaes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Reincarnation, all the members except bbh and kjd are very minor, but they come back so it's fine :), in one part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 23:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17334278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byundaes/pseuds/byundaes
Summary: in which baekhyun chases after jongdae over fifteen lifetimes.





	jongdae, fifteen times over

**Author's Note:**

> me: i'm taking a creative hiatus  
> me: writes this the very next day
> 
> long story short this is very bad and i don't condone reading it
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> obviously there's a lot of death, and it's described but nothing is too violent  
> murder and assassinations, again not graphic  
> pronouns are confusing: they aren't always reborn as men ok  
> a bad smut scene  
> poor characterization

_ Zero. _

 

Baekhyun knows he’s going to die as soon as the car veers off the road.

It’s that kind of feeling in your gut when you know that something bad is going to happen in a horror movie, or you’re about to injure yourself before you hit the ground. It’s that sense of dread, horror, a twisted sort of acceptance.

He’s only seventeen. It’s way before his time and there’s still a lot he hasn’t done yet. He hasn’t even applied to college, hasn’t even kissed anyone yet.

But he sees Jongdae in the driver’s seat, eyes alight with panic and his mouth open like he’s screaming (Baekhyun doesn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears). He hopes Jongdae will survive. That would kind of suck if they both died here.

Before they crash, before everything goes black, before he dies on impact, he has a fleeting thought. An unfinished sentence, directed towards the front seat.

_ I never even got to tell you that I -  _

 

_ One. _

 

Baekhyun giggles when Chanyeol takes her fingers in his hands and kisses each one. It’s a cheesy public display of affection, and she can hear her friends groaning, but Baekhyun is every bit of a sap as Chanyeol is. Besides, they’re allowed to do this, aren’t they? They’re engaged, after all.

“I can’t believe we have to watch this for the rest of our lives,” Sehun sighs, the fondness in his eyes giving him away. 

“The rest of our lives,” Chanyeol says dreamily. One of their wonderful and lovely friends pretends to gag.

“Hi!” And even though the voice is different, Baekhyun feels a strange sense of deja vu. It isn’t until she looks up at the waitress that her heart stops in her chest. 

“I’m Jongdae, and I’ll be serving you today.” The waitress’s eyes twinkle so familiarly, and Baekhyun might just throw up. Suddenly she remembers a car, the screech of tires. “Can I start you guys off with some drinks?”

“Babe,” Chanyeol whispers, squeezing her hands, and then Baekhyun realizes that the waitress - Jongdae - is looking straight at her. 

“Uhh, water,” Baekhyun stammers.

“Water for the lady,” Jongdae teases. “Congratulations, by the way,” she says, pointing at the ring on Baekhyun’s finger. 

When she leaves, Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun, clearly concerned. “Is everything alright? You look a little pale.”

Baekhyun shakes her head, a little harder than necessary, and gives him a shaky grin. “It’s fine. I thought I knew her, but I think I’m just getting deja vu.”

The unshakable gut feeling stayed with her long after the meal was finished, but even so it didn’t matter. Baekhyun noticed when Jongdae came back balancing a tray of their drinks that the waitress had a ring of her own, sitting prettily on her left ring finger.

 

_ Two. _

 

Baekhyun remembers earlier this time, because Jongdae comes to him when they’re both children. 

“I’m Jongdae!” he says, grin wide enough to show the gap in his teeth where a baby tooth had fallen. “My mom said I have to play with kids who look lonely, so hello!”

Baekhyun pouts, holding his crayon tightly. “I’m not lonely. I just don’t wanna play with other kids right now.”

Jongdae’s smile doesn’t falter, and he stumbles right beside the other boy, bringing out his action figures. “That’s okay. I’ll just play on my own next to you then.”

In this lifetime, they grow up together, and Baekhyun understands now as time begins to pass and more and more memories from his past lives begin to resurface. He’s being reincarnated, with all of his memories somehow, and Jongdae is doing the same right alongside him. 

But why? Jongdae doesn’t seem to remember anything. Not when they go to prom in the same group, not when they attend the same college, not when decide to live fifteen minutes away from each other. He doesn’t seem to remember that they were - that Baekhyun was in love with him.

But for now he’s content to live with Jongdae by his side as a best friend. It’s more than he ever got in his first life.

 

_ Three. _

 

“Are you even listening to me?” Kyungsoo says.

“Hm? Yeah, sorry,” Baekhyun replies. He’s busy watching the girl at the other end of the cafe, who’s got the prettiest set of cheekbones and a shy smile, to listen to his best (“Only,” Kyungsoo corrects him) friend talk about another crazy conspiracy theory. The pretty girl is talking with a friend, nodding enthusiastically as she listens. She’s Jongdae, Baekhyun is sure of it.

Kyungsoo sighs. “You know, you’re really not subtle at all, man. Tell you what. Listen to me for five seconds and then you should go get her number.”

Baekhyun blushes all the way up to his ears, but falls silent.

“I was  _ saying  _ that I’ve got a new theory about reincarnation.” Baekhyun perks up ever so slightly at the word, his interest piqued. “So, what if not everyone gets reincarnated, right? What if people who die without regrets, their souls get to rest. But those who have unfinished business or regret something about their life, they get to start over. And over and over again until their souls can finally be content.”

Baekhyun is this close,  _ this  _ close to saying something, anything, but Kyungsoo turns around in his chair and makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat. “Oh. She’s gone.”

Baekhyun stands up in his shock, eyes wide.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck.  _ Jongdae is nowhere to be found.

 

_ Four. _

So Jongdae has something to do with his unfinished business, if Kyungsoo’s crazy theory is right. He’s the only one that he knew from his first life that keeps reappearing. It can’t be that he has to meet Jongdae, because that has clearly happened before. It can’t be that he has to spend his life with him, because he’s done that too. What did he regret doing or not doing in his first life? What unfinished business does he have?

“Mr. Byun?” 

Baekhyun snaps out of his gaze and looks up at the front of the class, his ears burning when his other classmates giggle. “I sure hope you’re paying attention back there. Or else I’ll have to move your seat up closer to me.”

“Sorry Mr. Kim,” he says meekly, sinking down into his chair. Secretly, he hopes that Jongdae  _ would  _ move him up closer. Maybe that would help him figure out his little dilemma.

“He’s kinda hot when he’s angry,” he overhears one of his classmates, Seulgi, say.

“You think?” Someone else, Sooyoung probably.

Baekhyun rolls his pencil between his fingers and tries to act like the conversation isn’t bothering him. Like these silly schoolgirls weren’t talking about Jongdae,  _ his  _ Jongdae like that.

And suddenly, it clicked. 

_ I never even got to tell you that I -  _

With lead in the bottom of his stomach, Baekhyun looks up to the front of the class where Jongdae was copying a physics problem onto the board. There’s no way he would be able to do it anytime soon. Jongdae is an adult, Baekhyun is sixteen. Jongdae wouldn’t, shouldn’t, reciprocate his feelings. He could tell him anyways, he thought, but Baekhyun wouldn’t be able to take the rejection.

By the time Baekhyun graduates, Jongdae had transferred schools, disappeared without a trace.

 

_ Five. _

 

Of fucking course, the lifetime where Baekhyun knows what he has to do to break the cycle, he’s reincarnated into something that can’t fucking talk.

His tail wags as his owner Jongin enters the room, because the appearance of Jongin usually means belly rubs. He’s right of course, because as soon as Baekhyun rolls over onto his back, Jongin laughs and scratches at his stomach.

“Hi, Baek,” Jongin grins. “There’s someone I want you to meet, okay?” Jongin leans down next to one of Baekhyun’s floppy ears and whispers, “It’s a girl. And I really, really, want this to work out.”

The girl, Baekhyun is pleased to know, is  _ not  _ Jongdae. Her name is Minseok, and she’s really pretty. She laughs at all of Jongin’s jokes and kisses him on the cheek whenever there’s a lull in conversation. She also likes to give Baekhyun belly rubs, so that automatically makes her a worthy companion for his owner.

When Minseok moves into to his and Jongin’s place, she brings along her cat. Jongdae.

Baekhyun almost laughs. He’s always thought that Jongdae, that is the Jongdae in their first life, had some cat-like features. He’s a pretty kitty, and while he hid underneath the couch for the first week, he liked playing with Baekhyun. Jongdae indulges in batting a ball around for Baekhyun to chase after, and Baekhyun lets Jongdae take naps curled up into his side. 

It’s a simple life, but dogs and cats don’t live as long as humans do. It’s the least of Baekhyun’s worries. As far as he’s concerned, he has until the end of eternity to keep chasing after Jongdae.

 

_ Six.  _

 

This life is a far cry from the simple life of a dog.

In this one, him and Jongdae are members of a band with ten others. They’re  _ good _ , and they’re popular. Everytime Baekhyun walks outside, he’s greeted with cries of ‘Isn’t that Baekhyun? Of EXO?’

Luckily for him, there are plenty of opportunities to tell Jongdae that he loves him. The first time he says it, it’s after dance practice, and they’re slumped together against the mirror, bodies slick and sticky with sweat.

“Y’know, Jongdae,” he says, panting and out of breath. “I really love you.” 

The words come out casually, but his heart is pounding in his chest. Six life times worth of love, but the first time he’s ever admitted it out loud. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, and he can blame the blush from physical exertion later.

Jongdae grins so nicely for him. “Yeah? I guess I like having you around too.”

A success. Baekhyun goes to bed with a grin on his face.

In the years that follow, Baekhyun tells Jongdae that he loves him multiple times, because this might be the last time he’s around on earth, so he’s going to make the best of it. Each time, Jongae puts his arm around his shoulders and ruffles his hair fondly. It’s a good life.

 

_ Seven. _

 

He doesn’t understand.

He told Jongdae that he loved him, but here he is, another life to live. And worst of all, Jongdae isn’t anywhere to be found in the first twenty-eight years in this new body.

So he decides to write. And  _ Seven Times I Loved You  _ accidentally becomes the bestselling book of the year. Baekhyun suddenly has a contract, multiple public appearances, and a million fans. 

His hometown, his original hometown so many years ago, not his in this life, is where he meets a bright-eyed woman with a copy of his book in her hand. 

“Hi, Mr. Byun, I just love your book so much,” Jongdae gushes, pushing her book across the table for him to sign. 

He flips it open with practiced ease and smiles with a practiced grin. “Who do I make this out to?”

Jongdae laughs. “That’s actually the funny thing. I’m Jongdae.”

Baekhyun asks like he’s surprised. “Oh! What a coincidence.” 

Jongdae giggles. “Yeah. It was a little weird having to read my own name over and over, but it was so good that I just forgot about it.”

Baekhyun signed her book as he normally does, with a heartfelt, ‘Dear Jongdae, thank you for supporting my book! Baekhyun~’, but then adds his number at the bottom. He slides the book back with a wide grin.

Jongdae never calls.

 

_ Eight. _

 

Baekhyun dodges bullets and shoots some of his own, watching as the bodies crumple in front of his eyes. This lifetime has been rough to him, and somehow he ended up here, twenty-five years old and already an experienced hitman. This family is rich, but his client is even richer, and Baekhyun’s going home with fat pockets after he takes them down.

He feels dread settling into his gut when he opens the last bedroom because he has a feeling he knows who’s on the other side.

“Please,” Jongdae pleads as soon as Baekhyun opens the door. There are tears flowing freely down his face. He must know then, what fate awaits him. “Please don’t hurt me.”

And Baekhyun’s aiming the gun straight in between Jongdae’s eyes, his heart aching in his chest. He would take a bullet, take a thousand bullets, for Jongdae, but Baekhyun’s already murdered the rest of the Kim family. If he spares Jongdae, he’s going to spend the rest of this life an orphan. Baekhyun’s already experienced that in this life, and he would take a thousand more bullets just for Jongdae to not experience that himself.

Jongdae screams when Baekhyun steadies the gun. ‘I love you,’ Baekhyun whispers, before he looks away and pulls the trigger.

 

_ Nine. _

 

At least Baekhyun knows now that ending Jongdae’s life in his last one has only served to give Jongdae a head start in the next life.

There’s a problem, though.

Jongdae is Baekhyun’s stepmom.

It’s easy, then, for Baekhyun to tell Jongdae that she loves her, but the way that Jongdae loves back is different. It’s a mother’s love. Not the kind that Baekhyun thinks fate is looking for.

That’s his new theory. Maybe it isn’t enough for him to say that he loves Jongdae. Maybe Jongdae has to love him back the same way.

They die together again, in a car crash. Baekhyun’s last thought before blacking out is,  _ How fitting. _

 

_ Ten. _

 

“You solved it again!” Junmyeon says.

“Yes, you don’t need to make a career out of saying that,” Baekhyun murmurs. She adjusts the sleeves of her coat before looking around. The killer would be here. She’s sure of it.

“There’s nothing wrong with me trying to praise you a little,” Junmyeon continues, bounding ahead of her. “We’ve been trying to catch this guy for months, and you solve the case within two days!”

“Well, you know where to find me next time,” Baekhyun says. She catches movement in the corner of her eye, and  _ there _ , a man making his way sneakily by, inching towards his next victim.

They catch him easily, and Baekhyun’s heart sinks when she catches a glimpse of the serial killer who’s been terrorizing Seoul for the better part of the year. It’s Jongdae,  _ her  _ Jongdae. 

But there’s something different about this life. Jongdae lifts his head and his eyes widen when he meets her gaze. “You,” he says.

As he’s hauled off, Baekhyun’s heart thuds in her chest. He couldn’t be… remembering. Baekhyun’s a famous detective, her picture’s been in the paper before. It’s possible that that’s what he meant. Of course it was. 

Of course it was.

 

_ Eleven. _

 

They have sex, and it’s better than anything Baekhyun could have ever imagined. 

Jongdae leaves kisses and bites up Baekhyun’s neck as he thrusts into him, hard and unrelenting. Baekhyun gasps and groans and  _ whines _ , fingers scrabbling up Jongdae’s back, trying to find a grip. Jongdae’s cock is hot and thick and he almost feels like crying because it’s so good. He’s wanted this for so long, and all it took was eleven life times and one night of flirty glances down the end of a bar.

Baekhyun’s cock bobs hot and heavy with the force of each thrust, and he cries out when Jongdae wraps a hand around him. His hips arch up, angling into the touch, seeking that friction.

When he comes, he swears he hears Jongdae say ‘I love you.’

The next morning, he’s gone.

Baekhyun wants to scream. He runs his hands through his hair as he searches his apartment, praying to every deity out there that Jongdae left his phone number before ditching.

He didn’t.

He never sees Jongdae again.

 

_ Twelve. _

 

They make a pretty pair in this lifetime. They’re both colorful tropical birds, and they spend their days flying high above the rainforest, soaring as free as can be.

It reminds Baekhyun of their time as pets, because there were no responsibilities, but it’s somehow better because they can do whatever they want. If Baekhyun wants to invade Jongdae’s nest in the morning and spend all day there, he can. No people around to ruin things.

Birds don’t live very long, and Baekhyun can’t tell Jongdae that he loves him in this one, but he’s more than happy to spend every day among the clouds and the love of his life.

 

_ Thirteen. _

 

“Can I ask you a question, Professor Byun?”

Baekhyun looks up at the sound of Jongdae’s voice. She was sure that all of her students had gone. “Yes, Jongdae?”

Jongdae looks so cute in this lifetime, a shy college freshman with big glasses. He fiddles with the cuff of his sleeve and asks, “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Baekhyun nearly chokes on her own spit. “Um, why would you ask that?”

Jongdae blinks. “Because you teach world religion?”

Baekhyun laughs nervously. “Y-Yeah. Well, I think I believe in reincarnation, yeah. I think that sometimes people die when they aren’t ready, so their souls are kept here on earth until they are.”

Jongdae nods comprehensively. “Do you… believe in soulmates?” 

Baekhyun is sure that she’s flushing bright red, but she powers through. “Yes. I like the concept. Isn’t there somewhere you have to be, Jongdae?”

Jongdae looks down at his watch and yelps. “You’re right! See you, Professor!”

Baekhyun’s smile feels plastered on as she waves him goodbye.

 

_ Fourteen. _

 

Baekhyun isn’t exactly sure why she doesn’t want Jongdae to remember. 

Maybe in an earlier lifetime, she would have been okay with it. But then there was the time when she actually  _ killed  _ him, so that was a little bit of a deterrent. Also when she had gotten him arrested. Also when she was his step-son. 

And maybe, there’s this little feeling that Jongdae doesn’t like her like that. That he has his own unfinished business that he hasn’t figured out yet that has nothing to do with Baekhyun. And Baekhyun’s not sure that she’s ready for that rejection, because that would mean that she’s stuck here on earth forever.

These are the thoughts running through her head when a pretty girl with high cheekbones and long lashes asks, “Have we met before?”

“N-no,” Baekhyun stammers. “Sorry.”

Jongdae shakes her head, her brows furrowed in confusion. “Oh. Sorry, you look really familiar.” She turns to leave.

“Wait!” Baekhyun yells. Her courage dies as soon as Jongdae turns around. “I really like your shirt,” she supplies weakly.

“Thanks!” Jongdae grins, and she walks out of Baekhyun’s life forever.

 

_ Fifteen. _

 

Whatever powers are up there are just a little bit too cruel.

They’re in their first town again, where they had first met countless years ago. His body looks the most like the first Baekhyun’s had looked, and Jongdae’s body looks the most like the first Jongdae’s had looked. They grow up together again, but this time, Baekhyun watches as puzzle pieces start to click into place over time for Jongdae.

It’s raining outside in the dead of night when he wakes up with a start and realizes that someone is pounding at his door. Baekhyun drags himself out of bed with a groan and his eyes widen when he lets in a shivering and soaking wet Jongdae.

“Dae?” he asks, voice still rough with sleep. “Did’ya run here or something?”

Jongdae’s eyes are wide, like he’s seen a ghost. His voice shakes as much as he does when he says, “...Baekhyun. I… remember.”

And nothing gets said for a little while. Baekhyun stares at the other man and he stares back. His heart has completely frozen in his chest and he’s stopped breathing.

“All this time,” Jongdae breathes. “You waited for me all this time?”

Baekhyun nods. He doesn’t trust himself with his own voice.

Jongdae tentatively reaches his hand out and clasps Baekhyun’s fingers in his. His skin is  _ freezing _ , and Baekhyun would be tugging the love of his very-very-long life in for some soup or something if he could even move a muscle.

“Say something, Baekhyun,” Jongdae pleads. “Tell me I’m not wrong.”

Baekhyun finally wills his tongue to work.

“I love you.”

Jongdae lets out a sob and pulls him close, soaking the front of Baekhyun’s shirt. Jongdae’s arms grasp at Baekhyun like he’s scared that if he lets go, he’ll lose him.

“I love you too,” Jongdae whispers, and Baekhyun has a feeling that some of the water droplets spilling onto his shirt are not just left over from the rain. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m here now.”

And Baekhyun knows now, now that Jongdae is in his arms, that he’s finally at peace.

 

_ Fifteen, a snippet. _

 

“I can’t believe you killed me, you fucker.”

“Sorry. It was my job. Also, why didn’t you call me back when I put my number in your book?”

“I actually died the next day.”

“Oh. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. Wish we were still dogs or something.”

“You made a very cute cat.”

“And you made an adorable dog.”

“... I think we’re pretty adorable right now.”

“Ugh, god,  _ Baek _ .”

“You know you like it when I’m a sap.”

“... Maybe.”

“I’ve waited so long to tell you all of this.”

“Well, I’m here now.”

“Forever?”   
“Forever.”

\- fin - 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah sorry


End file.
